Ratto: What you missed while Brady was splitting his pants

For those who like their news fresher

Ray Ratto
May 26, 2020 - 7:43 am
Ratto: Everything you missed this Memorial Day weekend

Handout Photo-USA TODAY Sports


The Memorial Day weekend gave us Tom Brady's response to Michael Jordan's pizza. He split his pants hitting a golf shot. The transition to middle age never covered the gamut quite so completely.

And that ends this version of his social significance. In a golf match for charity that included Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson and Peyton Manning, we remember this and this alone. Well, except for this: the ratings were nearly exactly what the average ratings were for The Last Dance, which suggests that we know the baseline for middle aged folks who will watch anything as long as it has a big name in his 40s attached to it.

I mean, I suppose that's useful information at least for ESPN, who cashed in on Chapter One of Jordan's autobiography and hopes to do so again with the noted bike rider and part-time sociopath Lance Armstrong.

But for those of you who like your news fresher and more in keeping with the days ahead of us rather than those behind, there was also this:

# The National Hockey League has picked its format for the resumption of play, a 24-team playoff in which the likeliest outcome is the Toronto Maple Leafs making it to the finals before the second wave of the virus shuts everything down again.

# Major League Soccer commissioner Don Garber threatening fines and termination to anyone who leaks details of MLS' plans to resume play to The Athletic, which is immediately leaked to The Athletic.

# Reggie Bush talking to Playboy and expressing his doubts about image-and-likeness payments to college athletes, followed by ESPN writing a story about Bush's comments and followed then by Bush demanding that ESPN pull its story about Playboy's story because ESPN didn't talk to Bush directly.

# Major League Baseball backing down on its revenue sharing plan after the nation breaks decades of programming and calls the owners greedy for a change. In the meantime, their general restart plans still look like a great way to start COVID-19 2.0, or COVID-20, or COVID-19: Final Reckoning, depending on how you like to name your sequels.

# German auto racer Daniel Abt gets suspended by his company (Audi) for hiring a professional gamer to take his place in an esports event, which wouldn't matter so much except that Audi's esports team is run by a company owned by Abt's father.

# NFL vice-president Troy Vincent describes the league's pass interference rule  as having "failed miserably," which should tell you what happens when you add things to an already bloated rulebook. It should tell you that, anyway.

# UFC is planning stricter testing protocols for its next card in Las Vegas, which must mean that Dana White was right the first time and now he's going to be even righter, and righter the time after that. Must be nice to be graded on a curve by yourself.

# Jerry Sloan gets more attention in death than he did while he was alive which means two things: We didn't pay enough attention to Jerry Sloan when he was alive, and he got exactly what he wanted out of that deal.

# Both the EuroLeague and EuroCup, that continent's two biggest basketball competitions, have been canceled for this season. Also, the Premier League is pushing its restart back yet again. I think they know something we don't.

# And finally, I feel confident that we've seen enough of Tom Brady doing anything non-football related for awhile. I feel equally confident that he'll be back soon, explaining the medical benefits on spitting on your own pizza.

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